And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
