He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
