She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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