The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
