just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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