I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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