8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
