why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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