I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My balls are so social today.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
