how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
