What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
