Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
