i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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