I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Let's paint friendship bongs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You can't just leave with hair like that
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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