Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
There are leaves in my underwear?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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