I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
honey bunches of taint.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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