we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
