I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
