I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like death gave me a hand job
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
