Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
