ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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