i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
