turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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