Got a toothbrush?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
