I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
