my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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