ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
