So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
