you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
