At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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