You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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