the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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