I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize