so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
