I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
