What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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