I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
