I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
