He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Girls should come with a carfax report
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
