His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
