I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
