The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
