I want to walk on stilts...naked
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
