Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
