My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
