Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
