i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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