I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
