He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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