if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
