I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
