i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
