Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
