My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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