What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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