I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
