I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
