I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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