I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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