You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
