Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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