I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
only you would photoshop your dick
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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