Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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