You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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