my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.