she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
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GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
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took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?