Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science