I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!