u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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