Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
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well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
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Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost