Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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