Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
