I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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