2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
