She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
