and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
