I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
