Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
