Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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