You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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