He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
