I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
