Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
