it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
