Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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