New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
