I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
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I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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