I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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